A year grieving Daniel Jackson
by SaidbhinLuch
Summary: Eight snapshots of Sam grieving the loss of one of her closest friends and her process of moving past it. Rating for language (which is relatively strong). Hints of S/J but can be easily ignored. Mostly focusing on Sam, but the team play minor roles.


**A series of moments in Sam's grieving process in season 6. The tense switch in the third and fourth moments is intentional, just so you know going in. Also the language is strong in this one, I apologise but it was necessary.**

* * *

**Just before Daniel "died".**

'_Jacob. Stop.'_ In that moment Sam feels her heart stop and rip apart.

She knows her father is a loss, and so is she, the words said into the room are disappearing into the void before they reach her ears. She looks over to the Colonel and he's looking at the prone Daniel, looking oddly at peace with the decision.

Sam just gaped at him and his eyes flickered towards her for a moment before the focus drifted away.

As Daniel flat-lined Sam wanted nothing more than to turn away, run and hide in a corner and then bawl for months on end, but then-

He turned into a being of pure light, and left.

Left the base, them, heck, _her._

And he simply _let_ him go.

* * *

**A day since Daniel "died".**

Sam sat on the bed and kicked her legs back and forth staring back at the ceiling, trying her absolute best to not sob.

She had been avoiding both her father and the Colonel like the plague. Her Dad because he was being an overbearing _father_ and the Colonel, well she couldn't be sure that she'd be able to resist the overwhelming urge to beat the living shit out of him.

And knowing him, he'd probably let her do it, for her sake.

Teal'c simply kept to himself, no doubt fulfilling some sort of ritual that Daniel would have appreciated.

Sam was far too used to grief, she'd grieved for her mother, co-workers, friends and men she'd loved. Daniel was not just a co-worker, or a friend, he was as a brother to her, god, she couldn't quite define what exactly what he was.

She couldn't define any of the men on her team in any specific terms.

They were all just that close, or so she thought, until _he_ let him fucking go.

Sam wanted to scream until her throat was bleeding and raw, pummel something into oblivion or cry unendingly, more then likely all three at once.

She was one huge fucking mess.

She looked down to see the Colonel pausing in the doorway, his expression unreadable, but his eyes remorseful.

It wasn't enough.

Not this time.

* * *

**Two weeks since Daniels' "death".**

Sam was now able to go pretty long stretches without sobbing or just letting tears slip down her face, but that overpowering anger was not evaporating any bit. She had taken to actually going home and hiding out in her house or just in her lab with a sign out simply stating _**'NO'**_.

Not her finest hour, but she couldn't be bothered to give a shit about it.

She had also taken to cursing like nobody's business and breaking things.

Lots of things.

Most of the mugs in her lab had been fired against her door, bottles at her back wall at home and she had been exploding things just for the sake of it.

At least now with her job and position, she could bullshit the reasons why it was needed and hardly anyone would question it, even in her given state.

There was also the stack of silhouettes pilling up in one corner of her lab.

Hardly the shiftiest of bastards, but she didn't care, they were targets for shooting the crap out of.

She just didn't care anymore: nothing about who they were, _what_ _they were_ made any sense to her anymore.

Daniel Jackson left, he _wanted_ to leave them.

Suddenly Sam felt a presence and she swore violently, causing her fifteenth no wait, sixteenth, mug to shatter.

'Teal'c, what the fresh hell are you doing?' She spun round to see the large man, not just in physical size, leaning against the wall and watching her carefully.

'Ensuring that you are coping.'

'Well I'm clearly not, you?' She retorted petulantly, not bothering to clean up the mess, instead just kicking it about and staring up with him, arms folded across her chest.

'It is not easy, but the merit is in the attempt.' Sam just looked at him in confusion, her face contorted and he simply nodded and left.

'What the absolute fuck was that?' She spoke aloud into the empty room, in a manner eerily similar to the way Daniel used to.

A sudden, but gentle gust of air, ghosted around her and she looked around eyes widened.

'Daniel?'

It was official, she was losing her mind.

Balls.

* * *

**A month and three days since Daniels' "death".**

She finally gets to know Jonas Quinn, at first it's just plain awkward as he blames himself for Daniel, and tries desperately to make up for it. Not his fault of course, but some people, _Jack O'-bloody-Neill_ for instance, decide that it is and won't let him in.

He's a nice kid; bubbly, enthusiastic and very smiley. A rare quality to be found in the base, at any given time. Once she manages to scale most of the hurdle that is Daniels' disappearing act, she finds herself enjoying his company. Teal'c does too, and the two of the work to together showing Jonas the ropes.

Teal'c shows him Earth, well as much as he can from the deep recess of a mountain, and Sam, the varying technological, language and archaeological resources at their disposal. At first she'd a little unsure about how interesting this would be to him, but he beams at her and dives into the masses of knowledge, and she smiles.

She still gets angry at the Colonel, she curses mentally at him and wishes for once he'd just say something, anything, to show her that he's with them, with _her_.

Way of the warrior and all that shit.

Teal'c on the other hand becomes more and more receptive to showing her that she's not alone, and she's grateful. They sit, share stories of Daniel and their respective lives and meditate.

Not once had Sam even considered that meditation would be soothing, but it helps her find balance, find the strength to really pick up the pieces and start moving on.

It doesn't mean that she can't quite stop the urge to beat the Jackass into a bloody pulp to rise up in her chest, however.

The meditation does mean she can interact with the Colonel, without actually acting on said impulses.

They even manage to laugh as she falls asleep in the meditation and ends up face first in his lap.

Things may not the same, but her life still marches on and she willingly goes with it.

* * *

**Three months since Daniels' "death".**

Things finally get back to a reasonable sense or normality for them. Jonas is fully embraced into the fold of the team, the Colonel quips, Teal'c lets them move without constantly checking in and Sam no longer wants to pulverise the Colonels face.

Well no more than before he died, she reasons, smiling to herself.

Teal'c fully embraces teaching Jonas about their world, specifically tuned to an aliens' perspective. The Colonel teaches him hand to hand combat and without meaning too, how to deal with his particularly weird sense of humour. And Sam, she shows him some of the cooler things in her life, things that she never really shared with the others, not even with Daniel.

Though the Colonels face when he sees her hop off her beloved bike has her grinning for days and half wishing she'd done it sooner.

She still misses Daniel, half expects him to come tearing round the corner with coffee and talking nineteen to the dozen. However it no longer saddens her as much, and sometimes she can smile at the memories.

* * *

**Six months since Daniel "died".**

Most days Sam found herself barely having a passing though about Daniel, things had gotten so hectic, that she didn't have time for it.

She nearly died again, they all nearly died, and she had convinced the Colonel to do the one thing he swore he never would.

And he ended up paying for it dearly.

Then he vanished for about a month and Sam is almost pushed to the brink, the hold on her emotions hadn't healed as much as she had thought.

And strangely enough afterwards they are more in-tune with each other than they had been in two years. She sometimes wondered if Daniel would have upset the delicate balance, either inadvertently with an unintended comment or in a misguided attempt to prod their relationship forwards.

She also wondered if he kept an eye on them, from where ever he was in the universe and if he was screaming in aggravation.

She smiled more often the thought of him, when they did in fact strike her a moment in which she had time to consider it.

Things were easier for her, for them all.

* * *

**His one year anniversary.**

Just when things had finally, _finally_, gotten totally back to normal for Sam, or the closest to normal as it could have ever been, Daniel Jackson reappeared.

And as it turns out, the Colonel and Teal'c had both seen and spoken to him and not said one _fucking_ word.

To the others, yes, she understood that, but her?

_"Bastards, you blind, ignorant, __**selfish **__bastards! You could have told me he was okay! You should have __**fucking**__well have told me!"_ She snapped at the pair of them as Jonas left the locker room to scramble after something he'd forgotten to put in his pack.

They both apologised, but refused to elaborate further on when and how they had seen him. She'd get the answers she was looking for, sooner or later.

Daniel always had a knack at getting them into an inordinate amount of trouble Sam was just amazed that he had managed to do so as a non-corporal being.

He had really outdone himself this time.

Of course it didn't help that she was now livid with him, even more so then she was the year before at the Colonel.

Only kicking his ass was impossible, alas.

Not for the first time, she really had to wonder if there was a force in the verse acting against her.

Then suddenly he was gone again, only this time not even the Colonel was sure that they'd ever see him again.

And suddenly she was almost exactly back where she was the year previously.

Sam Carter was now sure that the universe really had something against her.

Damn Daniel Jackson anyway.

* * *

**Well, this is a weird one, even for me I'll admit. I had intended this moment for Knights but it really didn't fit so here it is all on its own. **

**Now I'm sure a few or more of you may be be bothered by the tense switch from past to present and back again with moments three and four, let me explain why I felt it worked better that way before you let me know how annoying you found it. Maybe it'll help you make sense of it.**

_**In the immediate onset, I felt that Sam would almost be looking back on the ensuing pain, almost detached from it. Then as she tries to move on with her life, she engaging back in her life in a vigorous attempt to get back to normal, almost consciously so. Then as she settles back into back into normality, everything just slides back into it's original setting.**_

**I hope that helps you guys deal with it, maybe even like it. Anyways for the people who reviewed my stories this week, I am sorry if I haven't gotten back to you but I have had the shitiest of weeks. After all my hard work in college, I find out that I still managed to fail one of my modules. However, given the vast quantity of my class who managed it, we are suspecting something is amiss. I got a 25 and that's one of the BETTER failed results... So a bit of my anger may have bled through into this story, hence why there's so much fowl language. I am sorry for that.**

**I will get on to you soon I promise.**

**Thank you so much as always.**


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